Monday, February 9, 2009

Top Ten Lessons From Max Brooks

As to be expected, one of my favorite books is "The Zombie Survival Guide". Max Brooks is a genius and is the only reason I am going to be a productive human being. I am the type of person who isn't really grounded in reality, so the prospect of a zombie invasion freaks me out to no end and keeps me up at night. I sit in my cubicle at work and imagine if I could use my stapler to destroy a brain. I love my new apartment, but worry about all the windows I'm going to have to board up. I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world, but I wouldn't hesitate to put one between his eyes the moment he joins the ranks of the undead. Imagine my relief when I found this book! Go out and buy it here. You will be better for it. Here are the top 10 lessons for surviving a zombie attack. Thank you so much, Mr. Brooks...

1. Organize before they rise.
Shiiiiii, you gots ta be prepared sucka.

2. They feel no fear, why should you?
They are slow anyway. And walk stupid.

3. Use your head: cut off theirs.
Remove the head! How many times do I have to tell you!

4. Blades don't need reloading.
I'm not talking about your steak knifes or anything, but sharpen up that samurai sword!

5. Ideal protection = tight clothes, short hair.
Zombies can't clamp onto your skinny jeans.

6. Get up the staircase, then destroy it.
Zombies can't climb.

7. Get out of the car, get onto a bike.
Unlimited MPG, baby! Bikes are portable and easier to maneuver than cars. Plus you can put your swords in your cruiser basket.

8. Keep moving, keep low, keep quiet, keep alert.
Don't stop, get down, shut up, and pay attention!

9. No place is safe, only safer.
Don't let your guard down, sucka!

10. The zombie may be gone, but the threat lives on.
There's always more around the bend!

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