Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Issue 5

Alright kiddos, its been awhile but it's a new year and a whole new opportunity for empty promises about on time posts! So huddle up, dear readers, and let's get back to basics.
Mommy picked me up a couple of Batman books at Old Navy. Apparently, on her quest for ill-fitting mom jeans, she ran into some must reads! This week I read two books, "Batman: Gotham's Guardian" and "Batman: The King of Crazy."

Batman is Daddy's favorite superhero. Batman is very brave and always does what is right. He protects the city of Gotham from a bunch of bad guys. Daddy loves Batman so much he's even dressed up like members of the Bat-Family.
Daddy's legs looks better in a skirt than Mommy's so she doesn't let him wear one anymore.

Imagine my surprise when I got to meet the real Batman!
He was shorter and stouter than I thought he would be but I sure had fun playing with him.

Eventually, Batman told me he had to go back to Gotham,
but not before he bestowed a special mantle upon me.
I'm not the hero this household deserves, I'm the hero this household needs.

To prepare myself for my new crime fighting venture, I studied up with my new books.

Batman probably has the most famous Rogue's Gallery out there.
And he's fighting a whole bunch of them.
There's Penguin waving his umbrella around, Two-Face looking all crazy and Man-Bat is yelling about something. I'm pretty impressed Batman can take all of them down! One problem though.
Yo, Bats! Where all the women at?! You can't tell me Catwoman isn't a more baller villain than Man-Bat! And any of your female villains gotta match up to a flightless bird man in a top hat!

This utter lack of female representation might force me into a life of crime.

Good thing I have this lovely lady up in my room. 
I have a feeling she's gonna keep me on the law abiding side of things.

The main bad guy Batman needs to look out for is the Joker. He's crazy and pretty scary looking. 

He's also taught me an important life lesson. Never trust anyone in clown makeup.

Batman kicks all the bad guys' butts and throws them into Arkham Asylum where all the loonies of Gotham are kept! (Editor's note - Curtis here, just wanted to make sure the readers know Tegan Pants gets her foul mouth from her mother. )
In conclusion, Batman is pretty much the coolest.
Alright, gotta go make my rounds to keep the crime rate low around this place. There's some gutter punk cats loitering around the kitchen and they look like trouble...
Till next time, Tegan Pants, OUT!


  1. I cannot wait for the next issue. Tegan Pants is the coolest!

  2. Tegan Pants, when are you going to review the "Game of Thrones" comic? It's a bit adult for you, but oh well! I love you and your rants!