Issue Six

Welcome to another semi-annual Comic Rants from Tegan Pants!
As of April 28, I have officially completed my first year of life and leveled up to new adventures!
I've also been spending a lot of time reflecting on this first year of life. I've made a lot of strides, crawling, walking, jumping down staircases when Mommy isn't looking and still convincing my parents to clean my butt when I evacuate my bowels. I'm like that whole Kanye/Daft Punk song.

Issue 5

Alright kiddos, its been awhile but it's a new year and a whole new opportunity for empty promises about on time posts! So huddle up, dear readers, and let's get back to basics.
Mommy picked me up a couple of Batman books at Old Navy. Apparently, on her quest for ill-fitting mom jeans, she ran into some must reads! This week I read two books, "Batman: Gotham's Guardian" and "Batman: The King of Crazy."

Issue Four

Hola, mis amigos! Soy Tegan de los Pantalones! Bienvenidos to Issue Four!

I apologize for my long delay. A plague lay upon our house, the likes of which I have never seen. Darkness fell upon the land, locusts and frogs swarmed our house. We barely escaped with our snot-nosed lives.

Issue Three

Good Thursday to you, ravishing readers of my rants! It's Tegan Pants, back on the grind.

Sorry for the Labor Day delay! An extra day off means extra time with Mommy and Daddy.
Mommy was going to make me read all weekend, but Daddy insisted we spend some time outside.
After some tummy time and sunshine, it was time to get the ol' reading glasses back on.

This week, I'm reviewing "Darkwing Duck: Crisis On Infinite Darkwings, "
written by Ian Brill with art by James Silvani.

Issue Two

Welcome back, internet enthusiasts! I'm Tegan Pants, back in action and ready to tell you a thing or two about life, love and comics.
Since school is back in session, this week, I'll be reviewing a series of books featuring Mommy's favorite gifted youngsters, the X-Men.

Issue One

Welcome to the first installment of Comic Rants from Tegan Pants.
I am your humble narrator, Tegan Pants.

On the maiden voyage of CRfTP, I will be reviewing "My First Wonder Woman Book."
As soon as Daddy found out I was a girl, he bought me this book. He wanted to make sure that my first book was also my first comic book.
Mommy won't stop yacking about this Amazonian broad, so I was interested to see what all the fuss was about.

The Beginning

Greetings, True Believers!

This is Tegan Pants, reporting from the crib down the street.

My mother has decided to forgo "traditional" education for, let's say, "unorthodox" schooling. My eyes are barely focused and I can't read, but Mommy is dead set on, in her words, "starting my training as soon as possible." Daddy tried to convince her that I would prefer some age appropriate material like Dr. Suess and the Very Hungry Caterpillar. Mommy told Daddy he didn't know what he was talking about then I crapped my pants and diffused the potential fight. I've been learning more and more how to use my bodily functions to my advantage.

So join me, won't you, on this journey into the world of comic books through the eyes of an already world weary infant.

How long till kindergarten?

Coming soon...

Via Cheesey Fry Jack

I Vant to Suck Your Blaaaad

Yeah, vampires might be getting pretty played out by now. They've come in all shapes and sizes and sparkles. And inevitably, as this trend careens down the highway of Over Saturation screaming, "No Brakes! No Brakes!", it's picked up mainstream comics. Now I know there are some amazing vampire comics out there (30 Days of Night, American Vampire to name a couple), but I don't really see a reason for Dracula to visit the X-Men. That is in no way meaning that I won't pick up those issues! Previews for issue one here. And Marvel has released some awesome variant covers staring your favorite heroes as creatures of the niiight!
P.S. Of course I'm seeing Eclipse next week. I may dress like a boy, but I'm still a girl underneath.

Wonder Woman!

Am I the only one who thinks the new Wonder Woman costume is super lame? You know I love me some Jim Lee, but this design reeks of the 90's. That jacket is butt ugh and who wears a choker anymore? She's also getting a new back story cause those Gods are crazy!
From Comic Alliance:
"The Gods, for reasons of their own but which may have something to with their survival and perhaps the survival of Earth itself, have changed the timeline. In the new timeline, years ago the Gods removed their protection from Paradise Island, and left it vulnerable to attack. 
It's now nearly twenty years later. Diana has been raised in an urban setting, but with a foot in both worlds. She has little or no memory of the other timeline. She knows only what she's been told by those who raised her On the run, hunted, she must try to survive, help the other refugee Amazons escape the army that is still after them, discover who destroyed Paradise Island and why...and if the timeline can be corrected or not. She also does not yet have access to her full powers, but will be gaining them as she goes."
Of course, for a character as old as Wonder Woman to stay relevant, you gotta spice some stuff up. I like the idea of a harder, street smart Wonder Woman, but I hate hate hate when retcons like this.
And I will miss those flag undies.

Superuseless Superpowers

Over at Superuseless, witness a bevy of totally worthless superpowers. Like my man here who has bulletproof skin...eventually.

Spidey Sketches

 

  

Curtis also got me some awesome postcards with old comic book covers on them. I was in a spidey mood so I thought I would sketch some Spider-classics.

 

 

Chew Review

My most awesome husband fully supported my nerd tendencies and got me the "Chew" trade for Christmas. I had heard a lot of good things about this book and read it all in one day. Curtis says I only read the left pages, but that's another rant all together.
Written by John Layman and drawn by Rob Guillory, "Chew" tells the story of Tony Chu, a cop and a cibopath, who gets "pychic impressions of everything he eats." Meaning, he eats an orange and he can see it's story from seed to tree to who picked it. Or he could eat a hamburger and get a much more gruesome story. Tony is recruited to the FDA to use his unusual skill to help solve some heinous crimes.
I highly, highly recommend this comic. The story will keep you guessing and it's fun to see what sort of situations Tony's "gift" gets him in. It's definitely not for the faint of heart though. Solving crimes involves eating things that were not meant for human consumption, including people parts. Layman's storyline can get very dark, but there is a great humor with it that lightens it up.
The art is amazing! Guillory has a great style and frames pages beautifully. It's got a manga-ish feeling that looks like the art from "I Luv Halloween." At times, the subject matter is downright disgusting, but Guillory's art is is cartoony enough to remind you that this is just a story. Though, the cover above is just about the only cover I could find that didn't have blood on it.
So if you want something new to read and aren't easily queezy, read this!

Super Not So Super

Super Not So Super addresses the ho-hums of the everyday life of a superhero with pretty funny results. Make sure to check out the perils of being married to the Flash.

Oh I can't wait.

Superhero Weddings

I'm almost officially out of wedding mode. Marriage is freaking awesome and I highly recommend it to anyone. Except maybe superheros. That shit never really works out as planned. I found a lot of rad wedding-centric comic covers to use at the reception and I thought I would share some. I remember reading the X-Men issue where Scott and Jean got married and being so excited that Rogue got the bouquet and Gambit got the garter. Only then did I realize that true love existed...

Best day ever.

I don't mean to brag, but our wedding was the best ever. It was silly and fun and too perfect. Between the bike parade, goofy vows and the kazoo playing wedding party, we had the time of our lives! Too many amazing pics to show, but here are some of my favorites. More pics can be seen here and here.

Nothing helps a girl get ready to get hitched like rocking out to the Avett Brothers.

I am now married to this amazing man, who ended his beautiful vows with,
"You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt."

Bike parade! After the ceremony, we all hopped on bikes and rode around old town Fort Collins. Everyone in our path was super excited for us and we had some people join in on our little procession. Cops even held up traffic for us. Guess cops don't hate all Heidemans!

Reception = Party Time, Excellent.

Centerpieces consisted of place cards with the names of superhero couples, a notebook for people to draw us some pictures, bicycle chocolates and little dinos.

Now the real fun starts.

Man Not Superman

As I've said before, post-its are pretty much my favorite medium for my half ass art. I was trolling along Comic Alliance and found this story by Jonathan Goldstein. It tells the tale of a regular old schmoe who dates Lois Lane after she breaks up with Superman. The art is simple and fun and the story cracks my shii up. I want just one of these little squares up on my computer screen next to my zombie robot and caveman. Read it all here.

X-Men Universe Relationship Map

Uncannyx-men.net has an awesome map showing all the X-men hookups over the years. It's crazy to see who's dated who. Who knew there were so many hos in the Marvel universe?! See the rest of the map here.